It's been awhile since I've posted. I've not drawn much interest it appears. BUT, I do believe eventually--more will come to this site looking for answers. So, I will continue to check in here from time to time, watching for 'you'--the "paper-cupped."
In the meanwhile, I continue to share my story in many ways, in many areas. I know in my soul, my story is worthy of hearing--for those that need to listen and learn!
Monday, January 21, 2013
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Educate yourself!
http://workinjurywashington.com/2011/03/24/washington-workplace-bullying-legislation-an-expansion-of-workers-compensation-rights/
Learning "Acceptance"
While at my last doctors visit, I shared my latest distressed thoughts on my still lacking "social graces" that I once flourished in, and the unpredictable manner of restrictions of comings and goings I still experience daily.
We also poured over the reasoning in what I see as conflict in my own feelings. For example, I feel much when I hear about the latest unprovoked mass murdering or attempt to do so, by some deranged individual; yet I seem less stirred by family or friend tragedies, misfortunes etc... It truly troubles me on one hand, and on the other hand I am relieved to not feel so deeply in these areas as I once did. Conflicting? On a closer look, I realize, not really. What I feel is mostly anger upon hearing the latest non-provoked random act of violence on the general innocent public. I immediately begin asking questions in my head...'Was this a high crime area? Were proper safety measures in place? Had there been prior acts of hostility in this business? Whose investigating? OR WHO is now working on the cover-up for-NOT OUR Fault- purposes??'
This is my anger, the left-overs of my own experiences six years ago. I project how it will all go (in accordance with how it went with me) not just for the surviving victims and their loved ones, but for the individuals in the shadows---EMPLOYEES, there or even nearby...affected, perhaps at different levels, BUT affected, and they may not even realize it. I project the coming behaviors of callus, cruel, cavalier supervisors and others in high places that will allow (even promote)guilt where it does not belong and ignore, turn a blind eye, to those suffering in obvious ways in those manners and more AND enjoying the "mind games." So, though I'm 'feeling'...in most instances, it is anger, left-overs, unresolved pain, disappointment, loss in what I still mourn... my own rights to MY life as I proudly, deliberately and intentionally worked to live it! The treacherous acts of supervisors, knowing it was their choice and free will AFTER the tragedy, robbed my spirit and turned my life upside down, forever changed in ways I DID NOT CHOOSE! I DID NOT DESERVE!
SUPERVISORS,(and your cunning sneaky followers) if this is YOU, check yourself and treat those under your daily direction with respect, with care. THEY are what make you the best at your position. YOU at the very top of this chain of command, take heed, beware...even YOU have a boss!! Stop the cold heart behaviors in times of distress! Stop lying to save your own ass, (one of my supervisors documented, that I "stomped, screamed, cried and threw things" IT NEVER HAPPENED...EVER) stop looking for a scapegoat! Stop throwing everyone under the bus!! Stand up, show the very integrity, loyalty and honesty you so depend on from your employees to keep you in a job, in power, in control, IN BUSINESS and looking good!!
So, I'm learning acceptance. It is the way of the world according to the dark, ugly, low life individuals feeding on those too dignified and honorable to crawl in the dirt and dark with them. It is anger I am feeling knowing I cannot change those thriving in this way, I can only be glad that I am NOT one of them. That is today, in a PTSD world. Be well, be safe! Irish~
We also poured over the reasoning in what I see as conflict in my own feelings. For example, I feel much when I hear about the latest unprovoked mass murdering or attempt to do so, by some deranged individual; yet I seem less stirred by family or friend tragedies, misfortunes etc... It truly troubles me on one hand, and on the other hand I am relieved to not feel so deeply in these areas as I once did. Conflicting? On a closer look, I realize, not really. What I feel is mostly anger upon hearing the latest non-provoked random act of violence on the general innocent public. I immediately begin asking questions in my head...'Was this a high crime area? Were proper safety measures in place? Had there been prior acts of hostility in this business? Whose investigating? OR WHO is now working on the cover-up for-NOT OUR Fault- purposes??'
This is my anger, the left-overs of my own experiences six years ago. I project how it will all go (in accordance with how it went with me) not just for the surviving victims and their loved ones, but for the individuals in the shadows---EMPLOYEES, there or even nearby...affected, perhaps at different levels, BUT affected, and they may not even realize it. I project the coming behaviors of callus, cruel, cavalier supervisors and others in high places that will allow (even promote)guilt where it does not belong and ignore, turn a blind eye, to those suffering in obvious ways in those manners and more AND enjoying the "mind games." So, though I'm 'feeling'...in most instances, it is anger, left-overs, unresolved pain, disappointment, loss in what I still mourn... my own rights to MY life as I proudly, deliberately and intentionally worked to live it! The treacherous acts of supervisors, knowing it was their choice and free will AFTER the tragedy, robbed my spirit and turned my life upside down, forever changed in ways I DID NOT CHOOSE! I DID NOT DESERVE!
SUPERVISORS,(and your cunning sneaky followers) if this is YOU, check yourself and treat those under your daily direction with respect, with care. THEY are what make you the best at your position. YOU at the very top of this chain of command, take heed, beware...even YOU have a boss!! Stop the cold heart behaviors in times of distress! Stop lying to save your own ass, (one of my supervisors documented, that I "stomped, screamed, cried and threw things" IT NEVER HAPPENED...EVER) stop looking for a scapegoat! Stop throwing everyone under the bus!! Stand up, show the very integrity, loyalty and honesty you so depend on from your employees to keep you in a job, in power, in control, IN BUSINESS and looking good!!
So, I'm learning acceptance. It is the way of the world according to the dark, ugly, low life individuals feeding on those too dignified and honorable to crawl in the dirt and dark with them. It is anger I am feeling knowing I cannot change those thriving in this way, I can only be glad that I am NOT one of them. That is today, in a PTSD world. Be well, be safe! Irish~
Sunday, August 12, 2012
Sunday, July 22, 2012
Aurora Colorado in great pain and long lasting turmoil
My heart is full to the brim with the frightening traumatic event this group of people have experienced while innocently enjoying the theater. The "Public" held once again, just one, ONE person...and his actions, that has now changed this group of people and their lives forever. The movie goers, the employees, family and friends of the victims..survivor's as well as those who love and care for the NOW DEAD!
Horrific slaughtering of the innocent unaware...senseless in nature and insane in action. The community needs now to rally hard for one another in support and aftermath care. It will be a very long time, if ever...those affected will forget. And the real long term damage is yet to be seen. My heart is full to the brim for them all.
Horrific slaughtering of the innocent unaware...senseless in nature and insane in action. The community needs now to rally hard for one another in support and aftermath care. It will be a very long time, if ever...those affected will forget. And the real long term damage is yet to be seen. My heart is full to the brim for them all.
Friday, July 20, 2012
Summer road trip "On Guard" notions
As my husband and I travel, pulling our little home on wheels behind us I have become very much aware of the habits of my large standard poodle.
PTSD for me brings many heightened unexpected moments of "Alarm" and on this trip I've realized, I share much in this regard with my loyal friend and companion, an 80 pound standard poodle I've owned since he was 8 weeks old, now 5 years.
Though he has never experienced any sort of traumatic event of any kind, he by nature alone is ALWAYS on guard. I feel for him, knowing just how exhausting it is to exist in this manner. Night and day, one ear always tuned into the world in an 'guard like manner'...hyper alert to all of his surrounds ALL of the time. He was not taught this, he was born to it. It makes me wonder how and why he would be so "in tune and ready" for 'danger' and it be normal for him, yet for me, it is one of many traits to my 'condition'...PTSD.
PTSD for me brings many heightened unexpected moments of "Alarm" and on this trip I've realized, I share much in this regard with my loyal friend and companion, an 80 pound standard poodle I've owned since he was 8 weeks old, now 5 years.
Though he has never experienced any sort of traumatic event of any kind, he by nature alone is ALWAYS on guard. I feel for him, knowing just how exhausting it is to exist in this manner. Night and day, one ear always tuned into the world in an 'guard like manner'...hyper alert to all of his surrounds ALL of the time. He was not taught this, he was born to it. It makes me wonder how and why he would be so "in tune and ready" for 'danger' and it be normal for him, yet for me, it is one of many traits to my 'condition'...PTSD.
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Never ending search...
Upon the usual bi-monthly visit with my 'doctor,' I was reminded of how deeply rooted in 'normal' and 'routine' we all are. When we become so shocked with unexpected, striking tragedy, our brains immediately begin demanding answers as to "why?"-- of which we seem to find no fulfilling answers. Some can let go more easily than others, and this fact brings more "why?"--of which, for some, never finding fulfilling answers, painfully continue to search...
For those still searching as I am, my heart goes out to you, you are not alone!
For those still searching as I am, my heart goes out to you, you are not alone!
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